The hiatus continues.

So I have not yet even contemplated going back to Super Mario World, I know I will finish it eventually, but tis the season for the xbox 360. While I wait until Christmas for the new games of the season (which to anyone reading for Christmas list hints, Left 4 dead 2, CoD:MW2 and DJ Hero...pleeeease) I decided to take on the Gears of War. I thought that Gears was supposed to be a good game. So far it's really frustrating, and the dialog is so lame it blows my mind. Also, by the time Baird spoke 3 words, I wanted to shoot him in the face. I hear he lasts throughout the entire game and that, my friends, is very unfortunate. However, it is crazy action packed and no matter how frustrated I get, I still want to keep playing it.

I'm playing online with my BFF Jay, and it's pretty fun. I'm sure I frustrate him as much as the game does, because the controls are a little hard to get used to and I keep messing up. I run into stuff and get stuck, I forget what button picks up things, and sometimes I think the chainsaw is running when it's not and end up throwing myself at the enemy like a suicide mission. I don't like not having a jump button, and sometimes when I press A to run I end up throwing myself against something for cover. So of course, as I'm struggling to get through the level without dying or getting stuck to something, I become completely useless when he goes down.

"Erin! I'm down I'm down!"

"where are you?"

"Right in front of you! I'm right here!"

"Where I can't find you"

"follow your arrow!"

"Hold on I'm stuck against a wall..."

"I'm bleeding out..."

"okay I'm unstuck! I'm unstuck! where are you?"

"you just...ran past me..."

I'd like to say this conversation only happened once, but it was sort of a common occurrence. Joe has taken to watching me play, as it is harder to look away from the tv then it is to look away from the DS, and was totally aghast by my playing abilities, once again.

"Hey Erin. God called, he wants to say he's sorry for making you suck so bad..."

At least I'm playing something that I can get better at, hopefully see some improvement and go from noob to pro. I better, or Jay will probably stop playing with me, he can't though I don't think, as my BFF he has to play stuff with me no matter how bad I am. I'm not willing to test that theory tho...

Catch a riiiide...

Once again, I come with bad news to anyone religiously following me through Super Mario World. I have been extremely distracted. I did end up beating the level that was giving me so much trouble (turns out it was simply a tube I needed to go down on a higher cloudy thingie) but then I got to the castle level and it kicked my ass and I went on hiatus. But I didn't go on hiatus for nothing, Borderlands came out, and I may have gotten a little more sucked into the game then originally anticipated. At first I felt guilty for abandoning the Super Mario but I am still following my blog by playing games to improve my gamer skillz, so there.

If you haven't played Borderlands, you need to. Some people hated the story line, found it too repetitive, but really, it's a first person shooter RPG. It's fun as hell. And honestly, playing co op or split screen kind of makes the game, especially when playing with Joe.

Yup, you read that right. Rather then sitting by and watching me play the vids critically, Joe actually played with me. Not that it really stopped the critcism but it was definitly more fun playing with him then him just telling me how to play.

I played the Berserker, after playing as the siren I felt as if the Beserker was the best choice for me, huge muscle-y men who bash the shit out of things while laughing maniacally is kind of my thing apparently. Joe started as the Siren, but after a while switched to the Berserker as well. He saw the awesomeness that was me, and the potential for the awesomeness we were together. 2 Beserkers equals unstoppable chaos. It also gave him the option, as a huge muscle-y man who bashes the shit out of things, to punch my character in the face randomly to remind me that "I was his bitch." He also enjoyed hitting me with the car we drove around in and driving away when I was trying to get in. A true man I guess, Joe never let me drive.

I won't say much about the storyline because I'm sure people haven't beaten it, and I will give no opinions on how I felt about the end, because I was given some negative views on it and it kind of changed what I was expecting. I will say that Scooter was by far my favourite character and Claptrap suprisingly never got annoying, but in fact made me giggle every time he did his little dance. Enemies were slightly repetitive but it didn't matter really, cause shouting "time to play, TIME TO PLAY!" or "rip the flesh, SALT THE WOUNDS" everytime the psychos ran towards me felt really satisfying for some reason. And, after the game is beaten and you select the 2nd play through (because, lets face it, you want to get some better guns) those bad ass skags you got used to during the first run through turn into bad ass mother skags, and shit gets real again.

So that makes Borderlands officially the second game I have played completely through, the first being Fear 2. So even though I haven't made progress with the Mario, I think that still counts towards improving my gamerskillz, I'm going to have some mad skillz.

Forest of Illusion.

My apologies for the length of time between posts, and my apologies again when I tell you that I haven't even finished the forest of illusion. The wait for this post was caused by my preoccupation with World of Warcraft (shameful I know) and then my complete new found obsession with Borderlands. BTW, Borderlands is so awesome, everyone should play it. I found a purple (which apparently means epic) gun that Joe is so jealous of, it makes it ten times better to play the game. Anyways, added to this, when I went to complete the last level of the forest , it looped my back to the pond level, and I can't, for the love of god and all that is holy, cannot find the correct way through it.Until now, I was planning on writing a blog bragging about my vast improvements at Mario as I was breezing through the levels like a bat outta hell. I thought I was the greatest pimp to ever pimp. I was dodging plants, actually keeping yoshi past the halfway point instead of losing him right away, and dying less often. When I finished the pond level, I had accidentally aggro'd every little puffer fish and had a dramatic chase to the finish. I ended up yelling, "take that! stupid horde of puffer fish!!" in which Joe responded I was too cocky. And I was, cause once again it all went downhill from there.The level that I thought was just another level but is actually a tricky level, a level of illusion if you will, took me a while to beat in the first place. Those dudes on they're clouds with their tricky dangling 1 ups proved to be too tempting for me to just leave alone. Even when I learned my lesson and did avoid that little mushroom I'd still accidentally jump into it at some point and then get fireballs thrown at me and die. So when I finally beat the level, you can imagine my horror as I watched the path lead back 2 levels instead of forward.
"What? Why did it do that??" I whined at Joe, to which he responded, "because there is a secret way to beat the level to proceed."
"but why? WHY??"
"Because it's called the forest of illusion, brainiac."
"Can you tell me how to do it?"
"Nope. that would be controversial to your blog."
"I'll still play, you just need to tell me where to go..."
"nope. I can't remember how to beat it anyways."
And that was that. He totally knows how to beat it too...he's just jealous of my sweet ass shotgun in Borderlands (omg so awesome). So I turn to you. World 5, Forest of Illusion 4: how the hell do I beat it?? I might not be trying hard enough, but I need some hints in the right direction! PLEASE! You don't need a blogspot account to add a comment, you can comment anonymously also, so just comment it up and tell me how to get through this.
The fate of this blog and my sanity is left in your hands.

Cheese Bridge, Cookie Mountain, and Ludwig's Castle.

I took this photo in Hot Topic when I was in the states and forgot to put it up, but thought it was appropriate for my blog as it is awesome. However, I did not have 58.00 to blow on a tshirt material hoodie, so I took the picture of me wearing it instead.

Joe needed a break from watching me play, so my poor cat Josie decided to take his place by my side during these levels. Worst idea for a small silent animal, like ever. Sometimes, while playing, I get really fed up and fling my arms out to my sides with an exasperated "OH MY GOD!" and normally just hit Joe. This time, however, I may have accidently punched my cat. Like 5 times. And also, maybe scared her half to death a few times with my random outbursts of rage towards my little DS. Needless to say, she has been avoiding me, even when I am not playing the game.

Cheese Bridge was frustrating, with all it's blades and shit, but I actually got through it pretty fast and can proudly say I have no frustrations to share with you that I can remember. I definitely died quite a few times, but it was mostly the usual jumping down holes and running into enemies because of my toe thumbs, nothing out of the ordinary. Cookie Mountain, actually, was not too bad either. The only trouble I encountered was when I went down this tube, struggled to get past this stupid puffer fish only to find out that the tube only took me back in the level, not forward. I could see the rest of the level being a struggle for me, but, as luck would have it, I got a star and finished the level at warp speed. And then there was Ludwig.

Ludwig's castle was what caused me to accidently beat my cat. Spikey balls on chains suck balls. So do Spikey roofs. Together, the two create a vortex of things that suck balls. I spent the majority of my time trying to master the two together and get to the halfway point. Not even the boss, the halfway point. Then come the fences. I kind of enjoyed climbing the fences, because I had to do it so many times, I actually saw myself improve at it. This is a big deal for me because I suck so hard at all the levels, ALL THE TIME. So by the time I actually got to Ludwig the time I beat him, I was feeling pretty good. It took more attempts then usual to kill him, though, and when I finally did beat him, I threw my arms out in triumph and hit my cat again. Honestly, it was not a good day for her.

I can honestly say that I am feeling better about playing after coming to a realization brought to me by none other then Buddah Joe. Through this level, and my cat can vouch, I got a little rage filled. It was not unusual to hear me speaking in tongues and flailing around like a psychotic banshee. So after three nights of this getting progressively worse, Joe finally turned around from his computer and yelled "Stop raging! what is wrong with you!" to which I furiously responded, "I'm playing MARIO, what do you think is wrong with me!?" and this is when the realization came to me that I probably suck so bad because I rage at the game so much. So I toned down the rage and calmed myself, and I can happily report that what I've played so far of the Forest of Illusion is going pretty well. Am I an evolving gamer?

Vanilla Dome.

It took me so long to finish Vanilla Dome that I forgot what happened in the first two levels. I might actually have to keep notes if this is how it's going to continue. It is also possible that I was just so traumatized by such levels as the ghost house, the bullet level and the castle that I blanked out everything previously.

So the ghost house. If any gamers reading this were already surprised with that fact that one person can suck so hard at Mario, prepare yourselves. I didn't know giant boos existed. I was fully prepared for the small, regular size boos, but not the huge giant boo that killed me at least 3 times. I also didn't know that they stop following you if you look at them, but if you are facing the other way, they eventually catch up and kill you. That also took an unfortunately long time to figure out as well. And these green bubbles that look like floating peas? Ran me off the edge about 20 times. I also cycled through the whole level about 3 times before Joe put me out of my misery and told me I was going through the wrong door. I need to keep an eye out for that stuff.

I managed to keep Yoshi for vanilla dome 3 and made it through the level really easy. And then, I met the bullet level, and it raped me in the face. "THERE ARE BULLETS EVERYWHERE!" I remember hysterically shrieking as I put all my Mario practice to the test dodging vertical and horizontal bullets left right and center. Joe just responded, "Shit just got real" and turned over. I am pretty sure that he doesn't really want to watch me play anymore, but he can't help it, like watching a car crash. So he sits and watches until he can't take it anymore, and says mean stuff like, "we should get you a different game called, counting to 3. I think you'd pwn that....maybe".

But he was right, shit did get real. Who is this little wizard guy, and who invited him to the castle? He ranks right up there with the baseball guy as the bane of my existence. The worst thing is though, is that once you finally get past him, you have to get past the moving rocks and the lava, and then after THAT, you have to beat the boss. I lost count as to how many times I died, but it took me 2 nights to beat that stupid castle. TWO NIGHTS. Is this really how castles are going to be from now on? Cause I don't like it. I thought I'd be getting better while playing, getting practice and learning the levels, but I'm still making the same stupid mistakes that I made when I first started. Does it ever get better? EVER???

Donut Plains

I'd like to say that it took so long to complete donut plains because I was away for the weekend indulging in such concerts as Britney Spears and Marilyn Manson, however it's no excuse. Minus the weekend, it still took 4 evenings and an entire day I acquired due to Bronchitis and a sinus infection to actually get through this second world. I should have had an idea I would have trouble with this though starting with the first level, as I had the most epic battle known to man with the dude who throws baseballs. Why is he there? In a world where there are flying turtles and other scary looking monsters who'd have thought that a dude throwing baseballs would be the biggest pain in the ass? 5 times I battled him, just to lose in the following sequence:
grab mushroom, grow big.
hit baseball, shrink.
grab new mushroom, grow big!
hit baseball, shrink.
try and escape, hit another baseball, die.
5 times, and this isn't even that far into the level. but I toughed it out, only to have to conquer what I will forever refer to as donut hell, donut plains 2.
First of all any level that scrolls will automatically force my to my death at least 10 times. So as if that's not bad enough, they threw in these stupid green parrots that are the bane of my existence. Why are there tropical parrots in a cave, anyway? At one point after dying for the umpteenth time I screamed, "These parrots are from HELL!", only to have Joe respond, "would you say they are HELLrots?"
after that level though, things seemed to go a little bit smoother. Still it took an incredibly embarrassing amount of time to complete, but the second castle was also beat in only 2 deaths! I also got that not so secret top secret area that gives me Yoshi and lives at my beck and call. Even with that available, I am feeling like this could be a painful experience that I am going to be excited when finished. And considering the last thing Joe said last night before bed was "watching you play Mario is like being water boarded", I think he'll be glad to move on too.
Next up is Vanilla Dome, and god help me if it takes longer then a week.

Yoshi's Island

So I may have severely overestimated how long it will actually take me to get through Mario World, as I got through Yoshi's Island last night in 2 hours. However, thats a lot for world 1 isn't it? I've been hearing I should have breezed through it in half an hour, max. Oh well, I beat my first castle, all by myself! Want the run down?

yoshi's island 1: easy peasy, no deaths

yoshi's island 2: lemon squeezy, no deaths.

yoshi's island 3: humiliation begins...

Joe could hardly contain his giggles (manly giggles, very manly giggles) as I died time after time trying to jump on stupid Yoshi after losing him. At one point I jumped over Yoshi and into a hole, only to force Joe to scream, "Erin! you're the worst!EVER!"

However, after finally beating that level, with NO help I might add, I beat the castle with only 1 death at the boss. I thought that was pretty good, no?

As I continue on, I am supposed to remember 2 things (Joe drilled these into my head out of pure frustration I think):

-don't worry about missed coins or missed bad guys (I tend to chase after things, and then die.)

-hold down the B button ALL THE TIME. (this is actually harder for me then you would imagine. See, I have these thumbs, that kind of look like toes, conveniently nicknamed toethumbs...the more I try playing video games that expect too much thumb movement, the more I blame my video game shortcomings on this handicap.)

Before I continue on with Mario World, however, I will be taking a break to play Beatles Rock Band that just came out, because it's awesome. Rockband is one of those games though, that I don't think you'll ever see me writing about on this blog to master, because I'm already pretty good. Not awesome, but I can hold my own. Just sayin'.

the beginning.

I'm not quite sure when video games entered my life, but it was definitely long enough ago that anyone putting the effort in would be somewhat decent. I never really thought about it either, until the other night when it was brought to my attention by my loving boyfriend Joe, that I really really suck at Super Mario World.
It all started out fun and games. I picked up my DS for a level or two before bed, when the sound of poor Mario's deaths caught joe's attention.
"my god, you suck at Mario." he said after watching me die on the second level for about the fifth time.
"Shut up, I've never been that great at Mario." I responded just as I fell to my death once again.
"My God, you're like the worst! How can you not be good at Mario? My little sister is better at Mario then you!"
At this point Joe took control of the DS to show me how it's done.
"Hey, butthead, watch this, this is how to NOT die..."
But thats when it kind of hit me: How can I ever get better at gaming if I can't even master a classic game like Super Mario World? And this blog was born.

The point of this blog is to chronicle my journey from novice gamer to expert gamer. from noob to teh pwnzorz. Any game will do, I will play through it, then blog it. Of course there will have to be a time line, but I guess that will have to depend on what game I decide to tackle at the time. The first game I will play through, obviously enough, will be Super Mario World. I will beat a world a week, and report on my success, or possible failure. Hopefully once I am done that, I will have some suggestions on the next game to get into for my quest to expertise.